If you Love Something. . .
November 22, 2008
I spent a few hours stringing Christmas lights on my Redbud tree out front today. One long sleeved t-shirt, one sweater, a hooded sweater, and colorful hat + ipod. Brrr... it was definitely chilly but my super sweet 72 year old neighbor, Bob, came out to check on me every half hour providing me with encouragement and the Northwestern-Illinois football score. "If it wasn't so chilly, I would feel like we are in Mexico and need to have a drink under that tree," he said with a wink once the sun had set and I still stood on a ladder tugging at cords. Ramon, a thrity something sassy-sweet neighbor, gave me a few more sets of lights for the trunk and anyone walking by (people are always walking in my neighborhood) commented on the festivities decorated trees have. I heart my neighborhood.
As most of you know (or have read), it's been one difficult year for me. A few of you have been with me daily as I ride this little roller coaster that swings me around back and forth like a crazy pendulum . I am so grateful for those who have really stuck next to me, despite how ugly I got. This week I had three book clubs scheduled: a women's marriage support group, a witty bible study, ("Maybe we can do interpretive bible study- the dance of Jonah or cookies in the shape of Moses!" Kelly exclaimed) and a regular book club (Loving Frank).
I don't think anything could have fed my soul more than the three nights of meaningful conversation with three sets of lovely, intellegent, witty, and raw-honest women. As I drove down Broadway last night at midnight, I felt a glowing sense of self that I haven't been able to capture for a very long time. I am excited to say it was a comfort with being exactly as I am- no apologies, no co-dependence. No what-ifs or envy of what I so badly want. It has been perhaps a year or more since this feeling has dwelled in my heart and I am hoping I can embrace and hug this feeling like a long lost friend for as long as I can.
"I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away
- Landlocked Blues, Bright Eyes