Acceptance of Pearl Jam
8.15.2008

I was riding in the back of Seth's mother's minivan the first time I felt a connection with Pearl Jam. (Know that my friends at that point were mega anti-Pearl) Seth was weaving in and out of wooded acres at speeds even a Petty would blush at. At one point, just before the sun set & my life would no longer be illuminated to flash before my eyes, we hit an open, winding road paralleling the Atlantic. I remember thinking the guard rail that separated us and the sea by only a few feet would not even give us a bump at these speeds. But we continued to tear through the Northeast and I should have known the archetype of Joey would haunt me for up to ten years after meeting him once. He sat in the passenger seat nonchalant and chatty when Pearl Jam's cover of Last Kiss came over the speakers. The hand I was holding seemed years away and my life was suddenly surreal with a Pearl Jam soundtrack. When did this happen? I remember thinking.

Everything was going to be different come the end of that month. I had no idea how to grapple with this fact & so I stayed inside myself, falling in love with the stars that pressed their faces against the atmosphere for me to enjoy that night (after the Dairy Queen & admiring Joey's ridiculousness). Sometimes I don't know how I got from point A to point K and then, two years later, point K to Q and so on. I do know the specific things that comfort me: the Naperville library, constellations (laying in a field and staring at them), & waves. So you will find me at the lake or the library or a rock staring up at the sky these days: refueling.




"She said: Oh oh, you kiss like a Russian" - Between the Moon & the Ocean (song in intro of this webpage) by the Bon Savants

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